My cover essay in last month’s Heartlander, announcing that The Heartland Institute had taken over The Heritage Foundation and arranged for God to speak at our annual benefit, among other incredible things, generated a record amount of reader feedback. Some of it was even funnier than the original essay.
You Had Me Going There …
Several letters started with variations on that common April Fools’ Day refrain, “you had me going there for a minute.” P.T. from Washington State writes, “you had me going until I got to Hillary’s quote about the “good ideas.” Then it dawned on me to glance at the date. Loved it.”
J.L. from Ostrander, Ohio writes, “You completely had me until the line by Hillary, “moderate socialists like me . . .” and I laughed with [the wife] and applauded your great sense of humor and went on reading the rest of the piece with glee. I really was excited about a merger with Heritage, but . . .”
D.B. in Malibu, California, may not have understood the joke at all. He wrote to say “I just got done reading the Heartlander. I had no idea you all were doing so well.”
Really, guys, we thought the big picture of the Sears Tower with the giant letters spelling “HAHA” near the top sort of gave away the secret right away. I hope we didn’t make you spill your coffee.
Dinner with God
Several people wrote to say they planned to attend our annual benefit featuring God explaining why She doesn’t allow beer in heaven. J.M. from Chicago writes, “Please put me down for the event with God. I trust that the bread, fish, wine, and beer will be kosher–or do I need to bring my own? And I’m glad to see that my Uncle Phil is donating the cigars again.”
V.M. from San Francisco writes, “Sure don’t want to miss the meeting with Ms. God–if only to side with you in protesting the not-so-heavenly ‘No Beer In Heaven’ ruling. Not that we have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting into heaven, but heck, with something as important as beer-drinking you have to cover all the bases.”
Speak for yourself, V.M. I plan to ride the up escalator.
J.S. from Arizona took issue with the whole notion that there will be no beer in heaven. “I don’t think a song is a reliable source for a conclusion that there is no beer in heaven (also the photo looks faked). The song is a ploy by satanic forces to lure virtuous, but thirsty, individuals into service for the prince of darkness.”
I’m afraid to ask J.S. who his source is for that last bit of speculation.
P.T. from Washington also thinks there’ll be plenty of cold beer in heaven, and she presents a rigorous logical proof: “As an Irishman and Catholic, I know there is beer in heaven. If there weren’t, all the priests would be in that ‘other’ place.”
Welcome to Joe’s Bar and Grill
Our plan to buy the Sears Tower and re-name it “Joe’s Bar and Grill” struck a chord with several writers. J.M. from Chicago called the new name “eminently suitable.” (Can you guess what J.M.’s first name is?) R.S. from downstate Illinois wrote to ask if he could move in.
Some people are just so quick to take advantage.
J.S. from Chicago writes, “as a former Sears employee, can I now have back my office located on the 51st floor? An eastern view would be nice! And, of course no liberal propaganda would be allowed.”
J.S. from Arizona (no relation) was less supportive, opining that “buying the Sears building, though, may have been a bit too much. Tying up resources in a massive structure may not have been wise. This is especially so with the rising significance of ‘virtual’ organization options.”
You can probably tell that J.S. from Arizona is an economist. What do they know, anyway?
Humor at Heritage
We were on pins and needles waiting to hear how the essay went down at The Heritage Foundation. Would they take offense? We needn’t have worried.
H.B. at Heritage writes: “Please tell His Excellency President Bast that I loved his piece on the Heartland-Heritage merger. I passed a copy along to our IRS auditors for their ‘future’ file. All those people who think Heritage is full of hot air will now know where the Big Wind is coming from.”
We can do without an audit, H.B., but I sort of like the new title. (“His Excellency,” I mean, not “Big Wind.”)
P.T. at Heritage writes: “Just picked myself up from the floor–it’s hard to stay seated when laughing so hard! Great piece on your acquisition. You know, I’ve always liked Chicago. Cheers.”
So what, they don’t have seatbelts on their chairs in Washington?
K.P. at Heritage reports “we all had a good time reading it. You are right that we do share so much in common. Most importantly a commitment to free enterprise, limited government, and individual freedom.”
And then she tried to pitch me on signing up for Town Hall. I like her style. K.P. will always have a job waiting at HAHA.
And J.V.K. at Heritage asks, “Do you need a capital campaign to pay for the new HAHA HQ or has that already been taken care of?” Actually, J., I was meaning to talk to you about that. We could use a little help.
And finally, the piece caught the eye of John McCaslin, who writes for The Washington Times. In his April 12 “Inside the Beltway” column, McCaslin reports doing “a double-take after spotting the front page of the Heartlander.” He figured out that it was a hoax soon enough, but called Heritage Foundation public relations guru Hugh C. Newton just to be sure.
If the story is true, said Newton, “I think I’ll retire–now.”
But Seriously, Folks
I don’t want to throw water on what was a pretty good joke, but there is a serious side to the idea that think tanks might merge. Mergers, as we demonstrated in a Policy Study last year, benefit both parties, their customers, and their investors.
The think tank world may be overdue for some merger activity. Who knows? Maybe the next headline you will read hyping a think tank merger won’t be a joke at all.
